Pissed and Pains

Holidays are here and I'm not happy about it.

Most kids would be more than thrilled to celebrate it but for me it's a fucking cage. I'm literally just sleeping in and doing nothing. I hate it but there's nothing I can do about it. Also its been raining EVERYDAY!! I want to go out and jog but that's so hard when it rained every evening.

I'm pissed off cause I can't live like this. I'll go mad! I don't see the sun nor civilization cause I'm always inside the house! What fun is that?!?!? Also since I was 9 years old, I've never been out of KL! Never been on a family vacation and when we do, it's with my cousins and seriously they are so DULL!!!

The thing I hate about Januaries is the first day of school. Everyone will be buzzing about their family trip and I'm sick of listening to it!!! Seriously its bad enough I don't get to meet my grandma who I didn't get to meet for nearly two years!!! two friggin years! Now I have to listen to some kid's story of fun!

Also I've decided to join PKN ( Program Khidmat Negara: National Service Program). Why?

1. Get paid for like RM 600 for the next 3 months through the program

2. Awesome activities are held

3. Gain some outdoor experience

4. I'll be an angel once I return home

5. Make new friends along the way

6. Away from home

7. No parents to bleed my fragile ears

8. Least I'm not anywhere near a place that I had grew up

9. Experience nature in the most extreme way

10. Be so PATRIOTIC :D

So yeah and anyway it'll be fun for me! 3 months in a preserve forest in a state you've never been in and we get the team spirits thing!

I also dreamt to be in this position where I'm wearing something so military like uniforms and seriously I might decide to work for CSI once i'm out of college ;P and no joke. I have a new respect for soldiers and police officers.

Its weird how I managed to change subjects rather quickly. Then again writing helps me relax. Anyway... I think I need a new bf fast!! Or else I'm in this mess where I can't get out.

OH I FORGOT!! I starting to get chest pains and I looked it up online. Guess what! It said I might suffer from Angina, emotional stress and umm forgot the last part. Angina is cause by abdominal pain and I did had abdominal pain when I was 14 years old. Also I might have artery something its where the heart doesn't receive enough oxygen. So yeah I'm scared shitless now cause the pains is on my left side of my chest where the heart is located.

That's not entirely good news for me. Right now I have no idea what's going to happen. Will the pain eventually stops cause I am going through depression and then the emotional stress. It's just a rollercoaster ride for me right now! I definitely don't want another to add to its load. I just feel like I had gone through enough for the year and just want it to pass by.

Ok lets hope and pray that my chest pain will go away cause I'm having trouble breathing too and I can't lay face down without having to move around. It's unpleasant. Not only that, if the problem persist, I might have to go to the doctors and my family is having major financial issues. The last trip had caused me RM 89 and I only had cough bacterial disease. Still coughing now though. So if I go, how much will it cost?

My mum is trying to be optimistic when I had abdominal pain and the doctor who nearly lost my life ( not really ) calmed her down. The pain didn't subside until now. It still hurts and I have a feeling its not because of whatever the doctor said. That clinic is so cheap anyway.

Again hope and pray that it's like my other pains. It'll pass by, if not, I'll just tell my dad about it and try to jog a lot. Well I have to go now, Twilight is on and yeah I'm avoiding certain someone now :P

Till then my fellow ghosts...

Mia