Have you ever have the feeling that you just want to start over in your life? Feels like there's little left to hope for? Ever feels like you just wish you didn't born for all the hardships you go through? The feeling of being betrayed by the most trusted companion?
Its hard and I can't deny that. It takes every will power to stay strong and fight. I know the feeling, heck I even experienced it. When I was little, I really feel like the world was against me. Every turn I go too brings me the same news. The same feelings. It was toying with my emotions and strength. I was not very strong but strong enough to have survived and moved on.
Through years of unwanted tears, back stabbing, I found the greatest treasure of all. My strength to fight and stay strong for the ride. Since then, I knew that I shouldn't and NEVER stop believing that I can't do it. Even in every soul lies the need to win or to have the recognition of being a strong person. I learned that quitting is a foolish thing to do. I never wanted to stop and die but I want to continue on even if I fell back, I know that I will catch up in the end.
No distance can keep me apart. I wanted to believe that I can do anything and everything to catch my dreams. No matter how small the opportunities are, no matter how small chances of my survival. I won't stop till I reach the end of it. What I have learned last Tuesday when I fell down during the 100 meter race was that even if I fell, I will get up on my feet and strive to finish the race. Even if I was the last one to end it.
And now, I want it to be my lifeline and my biggest hope to keep on fighting for what I believe in. Even if no one will be there to pat on back and say "Congratulations!" I will keep on moving forward and I will achieve what I want in the end. Sure things never went my way. Even from the beginning but maybe they was a reason behind it all. A lesson of patience. I may have done terrible things in the past and there's no way I can change it but I have a second chance to fix the flaws and get back in line.
Many have opposed my dream and I do feel like I have no support from anyone but I do not wish to leave the world one day with regrets that I didn't catch my dream nor do I wish to burden my future generations with it. I want my dream to be my own. I wish to be different from my family. Who failed to reach theirs. Sometimes, a dream may not come much in your paycheck but I rather live with the little money I make then make more money and be unhappy.
Sometimes, I feel like the dreams that I'm reaching out for is worth every breath, will and talent in my body. I do not wish to waste it. I want to fight for it. If things go for the latter, then maybe then I will stop my dreams and chase other people dreams. I won't stop till I have taste the pain, blood, and tears for the ride.
Mia
2.05.2010
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